Have you and your partner not been able to stop arguing lately? Do your conversations frequently result in criticism, defensiveness, or personal attacks? Maybe you’ve been feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. Or an affair or some other breach of trust has caused a rift between you. Perhaps you can’t seem to reach a compromise on issues like parenting, how to manage your money, and other responsibilities. Or you may not even be able to pinpoint a specific event that’s pushing you further apart; you just know that your relationship has been floundering, and you don’t know how to fix it. 

Maybe you’ve tried working out your problems, only to have the same unproductive conversation over and over again. You may even avoid certain topics altogether, knowing that they will only result in yet another fight. As a result, the intimacy in your relationship has decreased, if not disappeared altogether. If you’re not arguing, then it seems that you struggle to communicate, period. You may start to feel hopeless, unsure if there is a way forward out of this relationship rut.

Do you want to learn research-driven skills and tools to better communicate with your partner? Are you ready to work with someone who can show you how to restore the romance and connection you used to have? 

Relationship Ruts Are Not Uncommon In Long-Term Partnerships

The connection we have with our romantic partners is one of the most important ones in our lives. This relationship can be a source of joy, security, and support when it is healthy and functioning well. However, if a relationship is experiencing some turbulence, it can cause great pain—especially if one partner is forced to confront some aspects of themselves that may be worsening the situation, such as constantly interrupting or not listening well. It can be difficult to put our own conduct under a microscope. Many of us may not even realize that we need to change; it’s easier to pin all the wrongdoing on our partner.

Sometimes, life circumstances can be the source of relationship struggles, such as a midlife crisis or having to deal with some other kind of transition. And when facing this type of uncharted territory, we may need to develop new communication or conflict management skills that we never had to use before.

My role as a couple’s counselor is not to solve your problems for you, but to help you and your partner learn more effective communication skills in order to solve your own problems. By establishing clear goals for the counseling process and identifying your values and principles, you can have a healthy relationship again.

Couples Therapy Can Help You Be A Better Partner Or Spouse

One goal of couples therapy is to increase your knowledge of yourself and your partner by observing how you communicate. Counseling can help you replace unproductive communication styles—eye rolling, loud sighing, or other dismissive body language—with healthier ones. In addition, we will talk about common goals the two of you may have, such as the kind of life you want together, what you wish could be different, and what, if anything, you want to keep the same.

As a couples counselor, my aim is to help you both work together as a team to create the relationship you want. I believe that in order for this to happen, there must be some tradeoffs and compromises for each party. Couples therapy isn’t about changing one person, but about changing both of you. For example, if one partner is extremely sensitive to criticism, and the other is sensitive about feeling ignored, it will require effort on both your parts to improve your sensitivities to each other, rather than dismissing or trivializing those feelings. Making adjustments may be difficult at first, but remember the reasons you came to counseling: your relationship will improve by changing your attitude, even before you take specific actions.

Couples therapy works well when you set goals to change yourself, rather than goals to change your partner. You can’t change another person, and your partner can’t change you. You chose each other for a reason. And your chances of a successful relationship are certainly good when you both commit to being the best partner you can be. Moreover, developing a healthy attitude toward conflict can help your relationship as well. Disagreements are unavoidable, but the way you weather them can strengthen your bond in the long run. I can show you the skills to do just that.

With counseling, you can learn from your past, adapt to new conditions, restore lost intimacy, and take action when you hit proverbial speed bumps. You may be feeling stuck right now, but this is not the end.

You May Have Some Concerns About Couples Therapy…

I don’t want to share intimate details about my life with a stranger.

That’s a very understandable. It may feel unnerving to share your most intimate problems with someone who is a stranger to you. But you will find that it helps to have an unbiased third party—with no emotional attachment or relationship to either of you—hear what’s going on. Often, when friends or family members try to help, they end up being too closely involved to be impartial. My role as a couples counselor prevents me from having that type of handicap.

What if you end up taking my partner’s side? 

A good couples counselor remains impartial. My goal is not to take anyone’s side or shame someone for being “wrong.” Rather, my role is to create a safe, nonjudgmental space for both of you to freely express your thoughts, concerns, and fears. 

If we need counseling, does that mean our relationship is doomed? 

Absolutely not. Rather, seeking couples therapy is what you do when you want to save your relationship. This is an investment you are making in each other and in your future together.

Call To Schedule Your Appointment With A Couples Counselor

If you are ready to take the next step to improve your relationship, I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we are a good fit. I invite you to give me a call at 805-453-2729.

Recent Blog Posts