Relationships involve two people coming together as one. In healthy relationships, these two individuals can come together for one another and the relationship, but also maintain their own sense of independence and lives separate from their partner.
In unhealthy relationships, individuals can't separate their lives from their partner's. Instead, their value and self-worth are put into their partner and the relationship that they share with them. They're unable to find fulfillment and satisfaction from their own lives or their own accomplishments.
These types of unhealthy relationship dynamics are known as codependency and enmeshment. Let's learn more about the difference between codependency and enmeshment.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner in the relationship is extremely reliant or dependent on their partner for their overall happiness and self-worth. People who exhibit signs of codependency often have a fear of being rejected or abandoned. They will do anything and everything they can to fix the problems or behaviors of their partner so that they feel wanted and needed.
What Is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment is another unhealthy relationship dynamic that is often seen among family members. There are few to no boundaries, or boundaries tend to be blurred or nonexistent in this type of relationship. Those who exhibit signs of enmeshment tend to be excessively close to another person and may even lack a sense of their own independence or autonomy. People in this type of relationship dynamic will become overly involved or wrapped up in someone else's life and will dismiss or ignore their own mental and physical well-being.
The Similarities
Codependency and enmeshment are two completely different types of unhealthy relationship dynamics. That being said, there are some similarities between the two. This is how codependency and enmeshment are comparable to one another.
Emotional Dependence
People who are involved in codependent or enmeshed relationships have a hard time functioning on their own. They struggle to make their own decisions and often rely on others for emotional support and validation.
Lack of Boundaries
Since boundaries are blurred in these types of relationships, it can become harder for individuals to identify their own wants and needs apart from their partner.
Neglecting Personal Wants and Needs
Enmeshment and codependency can make at least one of the partners within a relationship neglect their own wants and needs since they're constantly putting others above themselves.
The Differences
Despite codependency and enmeshment having a lot of similarities, they are two completely different types of relationship dynamics. The differences lie within the boundaries, focus and roles.
Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in all types of healthy relationships, which is why they aren't typically seen in unhealthy relationships. Both codependency and enmeshment involve boundaries being blurred. Codependency also means having a lack of personal space.
Focus
Codependency focuses on one partner's reliance and dependence on their partner. Enmeshment focuses on an individual losing a sense of their autonomy from blending their identity with their partner.
Roles
Codependency often involves one partner acting like the caretaker of the other partner. Enmeshment involves roles being blurred, like a parent acting like a child or vice versa.
Next Steps
If you find yourself and your relationship sharing similarities with codependency or enmeshment, it's important to address and try to change those behaviors sooner rather than later. Seeing these signs doesn't have to mean that your relationship is doomed or already over. It just means that you and your partner will have to work a little harder to make sure your relationship becomes healthier. If you need a little extra help, couples therapy will be able to help you and your partner work on improving your relationship together. Reach out today to get started.