Is it okay for your partner to show how much they care about you? Of course. Should your partner want to spend a lot of time with you and comfort you when life brings you down? For sure, all of that is ideal in a healthy, loving relationship.
So what does it mean when your partner arranges for all of your time to be spent with them and bristles when you want time with others? Well, then they could be making your choices as a way of controlling you. That's possessive behavior. Just because you and your partner are in a committed relationship does not mean they own you.
Read through and explore key reasons possessive behavior occurs. From there you can make some informed choices about the state of your relationship and your own well being.
Codependence
Is your partner relying on you for the majority of their personal wellbeing? Are they resistant to happiness or forward movement without you? Perhaps it seems their health, wise choices, and self-control are intertwined with your presence and reassurance.
Another person's identity and goals are too heavy a burden to carry, especially if you want a mutually satisfying union. The guilt, blame, and emotional manipulation that result from codependence are extremely damaging. This is a sign you and your and your partner need to establish more independence and address the roots of the problem.
Relationship Insecurity
Your partner may be afraid to lose you to someone else. This can make them want to interrogate you about where you go or your relationships with other people. If you find that your partner is keeping tabs on you, it may stem from their own insecurity about remaining your chosen partner.
Insecurity can ruin a relationship if your partner does not trust you or there is some disconnect regarding commitment level. To avoid feeling like the bad guy when you spend time with someone else or making individual plans, communication and conflict resolution are key. Your aim is both mutual trust and faith in the relationship you're building.
Unhealthy Desire
It is possible that you are the most significant person in your partner's life. While that may be a very sweet notion, it can go wrong if your partner wants or feels entitled to all of your attention. You can even start to feel guilty for wanting time away from your partner to meet your own needs.
A desire is generally benign, such as wanting to eat chocolate whenever you are around it. Unchecked desire, though, can turn into possession if your partner wants you with them, or within reach, at all times.
Unresolved Anxiety
If your partner has been holding on too strong, they may have a hidden fear. Maybe they lost a parent or a previous partner before you came along. Perhaps they feel the tighter the hold they have the less likely the chance they will lose you. Are they concerned that a past problem or conflict will rear its head again?
Controlling behavior often arises from loss and fear of an uncertain future. In their mind, they may believe history will repeat itself. Possessive behavior quells those fears in the short term though it damages connection over time.
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Finally, if you are still struggling with possessiveness in your relationship, please seek out professional help immediately. Therapy for couples can provide you both a clearer understanding of why your you and partner behave the way you do, as well as how your respective responses affect the relationship. Together, we can bring more health to the relationship as mental and emotional well being are improved.
Please contact me for your first appointment today and let's work together to mend the issues in your relationship.