When you think of self-esteem, what comes to mind? Where do you think you fall along the spectrum of self-esteem? Your emotions may run the gamut when you think of this aspect of your life. Perhaps you’re tempted to ignore this concept and don’t want to think about this part of your life.
Maybe you think self-esteem is talked about too much and receives too much emphasis. Do you recall hurtful childhood experiences that dealt a blow to your self-concept? No matter where your concept of self-esteem is, having a detailed understanding of what it is and what it isn’t is invaluable.
What is Self-Esteem, Anyway?
Briefly, self-esteem is the way you think and feel about yourself. (We’ll go into it in more detail below.) It is typically shaped by the myriad of experiences, thoughts, beliefs, and so much more that we’ve gone through in life. Childhood is where the roots of our self-esteem are formed. We unconsciously absorb the messages we receive about ourselves from our family of origin, classmates, and society. Depending on the emotional health of our family, we may or may not have been given the resources to develop a healthy sense of who we are.
What Affects Your Self-Esteem?
Unfortunately, the messages we receive from external influences are often warped and false. They usually don’t tell us key truths about ourselves. Most importantly, that we are valuable and important no matter what.
Instead, these detrimental falsehoods creep into our developing minds and cause unhealthy perceptions of ourselves. They make us compare ourselves to others and create self-doubt. Perhaps our parents or teachers criticized our grades. Classmates teased us about our weight, clothes, or the cars our family drove. Countless forces try to erode our sense of belonging, security, and identity.
What Healthy Self-Esteem Is Not
Let’s go back to the messages society broadcasts. Advertisers market their ideas to babies and toddlers. From our earliest ages, we’re being told that our importance and worth will be greater if we own certain things, look a certain way, and have a certain lifestyle. When these things are out of our reach, we may feel frustrated and unimportant. But none of this is true!
Along these same lines, we may encounter people whose confidence is over the top. They don’t hesitate to talk about their jobs, houses, cars, and lifestyles. But this isn’t self-esteem.
Healthy Self-Esteem
When we have healthy self-esteem, we have a balanced, compassionate perspective of ourselves. It means that we know we are important merely because we exist. Our value doesn’t depend on our appearance, bank account, connections, or career. We can accept ourselves and acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses alike. In a nutshell, we love ourselves and give ourselves the grace and compassion that we would give anyone else.
This doesn’t mean that we make excuses for our failures or don’t hold ourselves responsible for mistakes. Instead, we can forgive ourselves when we need to and have the internal confidence to keep moving forward. We know who we are and don’t let the desires or opinions of others change that, no matter how vocal they might be. Whether or not we have everything we want, we experience some level of contentment.
Can I Heal Low Self-Esteem?
If you’ve read this and realize that your level of self-esteem isn’t where you’d like it to be, reaching out to a therapist can help. Sometimes depression, anxiety, PTSD, and abuse interfere with the ability to find and maintain self-esteem. But there is always hope and always a way to work through these challenges. You do not have to be trapped in negative messages from childhood or defeating experiences in adulthood. Please read more about counseling and call today for a consultation.
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