For better or worse, money management can be a tricky topic to navigate as a couple. Both of you bring your own financial habits and expectations with you. Chances are good that these are not identical!
In fact, many couples struggle to find a balance in their relationship when it comes to money. One wants to save; the other likes to spend. One is comfortable carrying a lot of credit card debt while the other will only spend what they know they can pay off each month. One wants to eat frugally at home while the other prefers takeout every night.
It’s easy to see how the role of finances in your relationship can lead to arguments! But there are proactive steps you can take to get on the same page (or ledger sheet!) as each other.
1.Refresh Your Money Management Knowledge
Responsible money management is not a subject typically covered in high school or college. This is unfortunate, given how important the topic is.
Whether or not you consider yourself well-versed in personal finances, consider taking an online course in money management with your partner. Even if you think you know a lot, you may be surprised.
Learning together will give each of you a good foundational understanding of how you want to handle your finances as a couple. You’ll each be able to come from a similar place of understanding.
2.Set a Budget Together
If the idea of creating a budget makes you yawn, you’re not alone. In some cases, one partner tries to set a budget and make the other comply. Obviously, this rarely works.
Despite how unappealing it may be, take the time to sit down together to review your financial habits. List out your expenses. Find resources online to jog your memory about all the likely things you’re spending on.
Once you know where your money is going, discuss if you’re both happy with it. You may both have to make compromises for each other.
3.Set Goals Together
In the hustle of everyday life, it’s easy to forget about setting financial goals for the future. People can overlook the bigger picture.
But when you and your partner slow down enough to think about what you want your financial future to look like, you have the opportunity to dream together. You have the chance to work together to build something significant for your years ahead.
Think about short-term and long-term goals. Hoping to take a nice vacation in the next few years? Have kids to send to college? What about retirement?
When you keep the future in mind, you can both find motivation to make small sacrifices.
4.Be Flexible
For some couples, keeping individual accounts goes a long way toward financial harmony. Of course, if you’re both working, each will contribute toward shared expenses such as housing. But allowing each other “fun money” or discretionary spending that isn’t dictated by a budget is important.
And if only one of you is working, don’t be unreasonably controlling toward the one who isn’t. Going over their expenses with a fine-toothed comb can create an unbalanced dynamic in your relationship. Remember that you’re in it together and that each of you brings something to the table in your relationship outside of money and employment.
5.Couples Counseling
If finances continue to be a source of conflict and frustration in your relationship, consider counseling. Having an outside perspective on money matters can do a world of good. Experienced therapists can help identify sticking points and walk you through them.
It’s often said that money is among the top things couples argue about and that it often plays a role in divorces. It doesn’t have to be this way. With proactive planning and guidance when needed, you’ll be able to build a happy financial life together.
I can help you recognize unproductive patterns in your financial communication and steer you toward healthier strategies. I encourage you to read more about couples therapy and reach out to my office for a consultation.